The Value of a Deeper Relationship

If you were to make a list of your values, how high would you place relationships on the list? If you value your relationships, then a good question to consider is, "How can you increase the value of your relationships?" This is the question that this website attempts to answer.

As your relationships deepen, their value increases. What can you do to deepen a relationship?

• Improve the quality and frequency of your communication
• Increase love, friendship and teamwork
• Tune in to each others' feelings and needs
• Reduce defensiveness and increase openness
• Learn how to resolve conflict while increasing mutual trust and respect
• Recognize the destructive behaviors and habits that result in relationship sabotage
• Become more emotionally intelligent
• Turn every problem and mistake into a learning and growth opportunity
• Talk about your relationship frequently and develop shared goals and strategies for creating more value together
• Develop a higher sense of self-awareness and convert your reactions into responses focused on improving the relationship

The videos featured on this website are offered in hopes that they might help you to gain insights into deepening your relationships. The videos primarily focus on your relationship with a significant other. But they also apply to any family, friendship or work relationship. If you can work to deepen all your relationships, you will definitely increase the value you experience in every area of your life.

The Value of Self-Awareness

Trying to change your partner is not the path to a deeper relationship. The best way to improve a relationship is to start with yourself. The more you increase your self-awareness the more opportunities you will find to improve your relationships. But it's difficult to drop the masks and see yourself objectively.

Some people tend to see themselves in the best possible light. You know your intentions, and you may have the tendency to judge yourself based on your good intentions while judging your partner in a critical light. This way of looking at things can put you in the victim role. Self-awareness is about learning to see yourself objectively, considering how your actions make your partner feel (vs. your intentions). It's about seeing the many ways in which you personalize the things that happen between you and your partner, and how that personalization can be the real victimizer.

Some people judge themselves harshly and suffer from low self-esteem, which can become a huge barrier to deeper relationships. Self-awareness is about building healthy self-esteem and breaking out of the self-destructive patterns that accompany low self-esteem in relationships.

Self-awareness is not something that happens in an instant. It's a process. But it's the best place to start if your goal is to deepen your relationships and increase your value. The best way to change your partner is to change yourself. By bringing more self-awareness into your relationship, you will discover new opportunities to improve your thinking, your responses and your behavior. When that happens, your partner will change over time.

Self-awareness is something you practice. It's easier to practice when you're in a positive mood. It's harder to practice when you're stressed, when conflict is going on, and when things aren't going your way. But that's when you need to practice. The more you practice self-awareness, the better you get, and the better your relationships get.

Real self-awareness leads to behavioral change. Einstein defined insanity as "repeating the same behavior expecting a different result." In essence, self-awareness is your greatest tool for escaping the insanity of unsatisfying relationships.

Learning How to Manage Conflict

Conflict can be a highly destructive force in a relationship. It can also be a catalyst for deepening the relationship. The difference is in how the conflict is managed (or not managed). Many couples practice distructive behaviors whenever conflict arises. They don't manage or resolve conflict; they act out their reactions and build hostility and resentment. Over time, the relationship suffers and eventually dies.

Some couples avoid conflict because when they confront the issues it's like opening a volatile, emotional can of worms. so they just don't talk about it. Other couples scream and act out violently. Conflict management is a learned skill that requires you to break the habits that beak down the trust and love in the relationship.

Many of the videos on this website focus on conflict management. The videos offer tips and techniques for breaking destructive habits that manifest during conflict, and developing new habits for effectively managing conflict.

The videos include tips for:

• Managing your emotions
• Getting in touch with your true feelings
• Avoiding taking your partners comments as personal attacks
• Avoiding defensiveness
• Identifying destructive thinking patterns
• Negotiating win-win behavioral change
• Talking about the problem, the conflict and the relationship without "losing it."
• Connecting with your partner
• Owning your feelings and emotions
• Maintaining appropriate boundaries
• Identifying and solving the root problems

Conflict management is an absolute requirement for deepening your relationships. Some people take the attitude that they have tried, but their partner isn't doing their part. As long as you keep score, you'll never overcome your relationship problems. If the relationship is hopeless, get out of it. If you are staying in, do all you can to make it work. Develop and practice conflict management skills. The better you get at managing conflict, the more you will deepen your relationships over time.

The Joy of Deeper Relationships

If you want deeper relationships, it requires commitment; to your partner, to yourself, to self-growth and to your future. You and your partner have a child you may not be aware of. That child is the relationship that was born out of your union. If you want the relationship to grow, you have to nurture it, and the two of you have to talk about it. How is the relationship doing? What are the problems that need to be resolved? How can you work together to make it thrive? How can you cause it to grow in value? Your ability to talk about your relationship and to work on improving it is key to deepening it.

Deeper relationships enhance your life and bring joy into your life. They are worth the effort. If you have experienced bad, failed relationships, you know what you don't want. Some people keep searching for the perfect relationship. But if you don't know how to nurture and deepen it, even if you find the perfect relationship, it won't stay perfect for long.

We hope this website will help you in your efforts to deepen your relationships. Watch the videos and send us your comments. This is not a commercial website. We aren't selling anything. We hope that what we have learned through many years of experience (and mistakes) will help you in some way.

There's nothing more joyful than a great relationship, and there's nothing more miserable than a terrible relationship. Every day of your life, you encounter opportunities to learn the skills of building deeper relationships. Learn and practice the skills, grow as a person and as a couple, and multiply the joy in your life through deepening your relationships.